


The Wrong Way to Ditch Your Shitty Grandpa at the Family Reunion

by Infinity_formation



Category: Naruto
Genre: Claustrophobia, Fix-It, Flashbacks, Hyperventilating, I’ll try to write one without one day, I’m sorry even my fun stories have triggers, Kidnapping, Negotiations, Obito and Madara drama, Obito attempts agriculture, Obito finds ways to get his revenge, Panic Attacks, Pending: Obito's new religion/cult built primarily for the purpose of passive aggressive trolling, References to Abuse, Time Travel, Tobirama "overanalyzes", Tobirama taking advantage of trauma, Troll Obito, Warring States Period (Naruto), and get big bro Hashirama on his side, and is so happy he did, fear of being unable to see, for funzies story, implied trauma from losing limbs, minor self blame, not dark (I think), really nothing that dark but thought that warranted it’s own tag, snarky Obito, so not trying to stay to a plot too much, they just have issues, to clarify Tobirama is not a bad guy in this story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:21:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22222501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Infinity_formation/pseuds/Infinity_formation
Summary: “Or is it the starved man who loses sight of the true meaning of the dango once he has been deprived of it for so long?”What.Or:DoneTM with the shit storm he finds himself in during the final arc, Madara goes back in time on a “Fit-It” to when his brother was alive.He takes Obito. Obito is less than thrilled about this and vanishes the second he’s conscious and Madara’s back is turned, whereupon he immediately runs into trouble. Izuna saw this coming.
Comments: 52
Kudos: 372





	1. Of Time Travel and the Philosophy of Dango

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, another time travel fic! I /definitely/ don't have more of those already posted people are waiting on.... ;-; (I'm so sorry)

No one is quite sure what to think when Madara returns one day carrying a tousled white haired man over his shoulder. Izuna, worried that his brother picked a fight with some clan’s elder, follows him to their home.

“Nii-san, who is this man?” He watches from the entrance to his brother’s room as Madara flops the man on the ground and takes out an ink well and brush.

Damn, it really is some other clan elder. Now they’ll have to contend with them too on top of the Senjus.

Madara hums as he starts applying a complex chakra seal to the man’s back. Izuna hasn’t seen this one before but he recognizes the look on his brothers face as the one where he’s just done something impulsive and hasn’t got his story straight yet.

He groans and facepalms. “What did you do nii-san. You can tell me.”

Madara shifts his weight awkwardly at being caught but finally relents. “He is my apprentice. I sent us back in time just now.”

Izuna blinks once, twice, looks up at the ceiling imploringly. Sage give him strength. “Welcome home?”

He is not prepared for or expecting his brother to tackle him in a bear hug that sends them tumbling to the floor.

Any doubts he has about the man being Madara’s apprentice vanish within the first minute of him waking up. At the very least Madara clearly raised him.

“I mean,” the man is saying “good for you on going back to your brother, mending wounds, fixing wrongs, whatever it is you plan to do. I just don’t see why I have to continue suffering your presence.”

Madara for his part doesn’t bat an eye. “I’d be a fool to let someone with your talents die just because you’ve discovered how foolish _you_ were.”

Then the man goes for his brother’s throat and the two of them tussle for a minute before Madara pins him to the ground again. “Must we do this every time you regain consciousness?”

The man growls from where he’s pressed to the floor.

Ah. That’s why he’d put on the suppression seal.

Of course eventually the two of them have to go to a meeting with the elders where Madara gives a bullshit summary of time traveling back to his youth and _no_ the future doesn’t matter because it _wont happen_ and _yes_ the white haired man tied up in his room really is an Uchiha and his apprentice and _no he is not his son what made you think that._

This leads the elders to admonishing his brother for not producing an heir and a heated debate on where to place the boy in the clan’s pecking order if he is the clan head’s apprentice but not of the main house.

Izuna is more concerned about the man sticking around at all.

He’s not at all surprised when they get back to Madara’s room to find the ropes he had been bound with cut on the floor and the man in question long gone.

Madara curses something about impatient brats as he orders one of the guards to assemble a tracking team.

\--------------------------------------------

Tobirama was prepared for a possible encounter on his way back from his mission. What he hadn’t expected was the sheer audacity of the man before him to lie so horribly to his face.

The man before him may look like an old man to an unobservant civilian, may be able to pass as a somewhat oblivious member of a white haired clan to a non-sensor or even a sensor who isn’t so familiar with the Uchiha clan’s chakra signatures.

Tobirama is not a civilian or unobservant.

Tobirama is a sensor who is _extremely_ familiar with Uchiha chakra signatures.

Tobirama is well known to the Uchiha as the Senju clan heir.

And yet the man- the _Uchiha_ \- before him is continuing his bullshit act of a confused old farmer who’d “stumbled upon these markings in the woods! Do you know what they could mean shinobi-san?”

Whatever hell concoction the Uchiha had been planning to put in motion with the seals, Tobirama can’t let the man continue stalling him while he waits for back up _or worse_ for the seals to take effect.

Thankfully the man must have been in a rush. He only has one kunai hidden in the bindings around his waist and his chakra is heavy in a way that suggests either the beginning stages of recovery from exhaustion or chakra suppression.

The problem is that the man is still kneeling in the middle of the seals. If Tobirama enters the seals without first decoding them he may be walking into certain death. However if he takes his eyes away from the Uchiha to read the seals it will give the man the chance to attack or flee.

And so they are at an impasse. One that can’t stand much longer even if Uchiha seems content to wait out the clock as he prattles on about dango flavors and how humanity suffocates on their own greed and couldn’t appreciate good dango unless they’d starved.

“Or is it the starved man who loses sight of the true meaning of the dango once he has been deprived of it for so long?”

What.

Some chakra signatures flare at the far edge of his range. He recognizes some of them as regular signatures in Uchiha vanguard teams.

Reinforcements.

“How about this” he cuts the babbling man off. “You step out of the seal matrix and I don’t gut you when this is over.”

The man rubs his chin with his hand in a parody of thinking it over. “But shinobi-san, how do I know you’ll keep your word? You could attack me the second I leave the- seal matrix, you called it?”

The hard way it is then. He tenses in preparation to suddenly move and lowers his eyes to the seals- Uchiha can be quick but Tobirama’s fairly confident he can catch the man if he tries to escape and will notice an attack out of his periphery.

“Wa- wait!! Ok, ok, I’m coming!” The Uchiha scampers out of the matrix with his hands raised in surrender. Tobirama huffs impatiently but grabs him rather than striking once he's safely a few meters outside of the matrix and quickly disarms and restrains him. He takes one last look at the matrix and can’t help the “tsk” that escapes him as he reads some of the formulas.

“Ha ha ha… You figured it out?” Then as if an afterthought: “Remember! You promised not to gut me!”

“Technically I didn’t promise anything.” But his word as clan heir need to have some meaning behind them so he only grips the man tight before shunshining them further towards Senju territory and away from the approaching Uchiha patrol.

Once they are far enough into Senju territory that it is unlikely for the patrol to follow he stops to more securely bind the man and run a preliminary interrogation.

“Ne, ne, shinobi-san, are we playing ravens and coins?”

“Never heard of it. Is that an Uchiha brat game?” He asks as he tightly winds wire around the man’s wrists.

The man’s left pinky twitches but he continues with the farce. “Uchiwa? You mean those rabble to the east? Can’t say I’ve ever talked to them much. They seem kind of stuck up, don’t you think? So rude.”

Tobirama huffs in amusement. He hasn’t encountered an Uchiha before who was willing to bad mouth his clan to appeal to his captor.

He goes to his pouch and fishes out a chakra suppression seal after finishing the binds on Uchiha’s ankles when the man openly tenses.

“Wait.” His voice drops out of it’s squeaky high pitched range and into a lower one not uncommon in some of the Uchiha he’d met on the field.

“Finally dropping your act?”

Uchiha grimaces from where Tobirama has him lying on the forest floor before purposefully relaxing his muscles in a sign of surrender.

“I already have a suppressor on my back. I don’t know what a second one will do.”

Really? That is possible, might explain why Uchiha had been trying to counter him with bluffs and terrible lies instead of the much more common flames and sharingan. But why would an Uchiha in such a vulnerable state stop on their way home and delay it’s removal unless-

He sighs. “Those weren’t even your seals, were they?”

The man fidgets somewhat awkwardly.

“You held me up over a matrix of dead seals you didn’t even know the meanings of.”

Uchiha mutters something that sounds like “had some idea” and “would have figured it out if I had more time.” The second is mumbled so low that Tobirama has the distinct impression that Uchiha is blaming _him_ for interrupting his analysis of the sealing matrix and is just trying, rather poorly, to hide his own frustration for the sake of his health.

Why did he have to run into this man?

There wouldn’t be much to interrogate then. He’ll get whatever progress the man has made in decoding the seals but an Uchiha who’s been out of the camp on a mission lasting long enough to get their chakra sealed won’t have up to date knowledge on the areas of interest to the Senju.

The Uchiha rarely bother to take Senju prisoners but perhaps he could be traded for other concessions.

First, he needs to confirm that Uchiha’s chakra really was already sealed off and that it isn't a ruse for a quick escape. He takes out a roll of bindings and begins wrapping them around the man’s eyes.

Uchiha violently flinches and grits his teeth as he forces himself to stay still and not lash out at his captor. Tobirama can hear his breathing pick up and edge towards hyperventilating and that’s telling of something, he’ll get to find out what later. For now the man’s panic attack would keep him from effectively interrupting with his work.

He pulls up the back of the man’s yukata and sure enough a large intricate suppression seal is spread out on the man’s back. Tobirama examines the quality of the work. Not an inexperienced sealer but not near his own or an Uzumaki’s level either. He can see several areas that were either redundant or completely unnecessary. A curve up to the right shoulder blade looks either sloppy, causing the man’s chakra to move against his coils in occasional cramps, or has been purposefully designed to make the chakra suppression more uncomfortable than normal.

He lowers the clothing back over the seal and taps the man’s head to get his attention. Uchiha flinches violently and continues to hyperventilate through bared teeth.

A phobia of the dark? Regarding his eyes?

“Wake up.” He tries to get the man to focus back on him but he only snarls in a way that sounds completely feral.

Tobirama blinks.

Even in his regrettably long experience with cornered and panicked Uchiha he hadn’t heard any noise like that.

With a sigh he unwinds the blindfold. He’ll have to secure it again later when he brings the Uchiha to the compound but he isn’t going to get any answers out of a man this far gone to panic.

Uchiha hisses and spits and on occasion tries to bite as Tobirama removes the blindfold but once it’s gone he gets a quick glimpse of the man’s fully dilated eyes before he shuts them tightly at the sunlight and curls up into a little ball making softer grumbling noises.

Tobirama frowns. He’d only had the blindfold on for a few minutes, he wouldn’t expect such a strong reaction to sunlight after that.

He watches as the man’s breathing slowly slows down and evens out. Watches as the man turns so he can press his left side into the grass and lets out a long breath. After another minute he slowly opens his eyes and Tobirama isn’t surprised to see self-blame there. Open displays of weakness are deadly for a shinobi and to have such a telling reaction in front of his clan’s greatest enemy is as good as signing away his fate.

If his father was still around Tobirama has no doubts that the man would have spent his time with them fully in darkness as the wardens extracted whatever they could from him. Perhaps his life, his late father had been less willing to attempt prisoner exchanges than Anija.

Still. He has a job to do. He’ll leave any worrying over the Uchiha to Anija. “What can you tell me about those seals?”

The man furrows his brow. “Time. Something about time. And placement. But I was only on the first order when you showed up.”

The man has some training in seals at least then. “How many orders were there?”

He looks like he’s thinking. “Maybe four, five? Six?”

Unhelpful. He could see it was a complex matrix at a glance, he needs to know the quantity.

“Who taught you seals?” He tries a different track.

“Madara.” The response is immediate.

Tobirama raises an eyebrow. He hadn’t known Madara to be that versed in seals. And such a familiar term, no “-sama” as expected for the clan head. Is Madara not respected? Is this just more of the man trying to appeal to him? He finds it unlikely for there to be more than one Madara.

“Is there anything else you can tell me about the seal?”

Uchiha furrows his brow some more and grits his teeth. So he does know more. He’s also realizing the man isn’t good at concealing his tells. Did he spend most of his time off the battlefield? It would explain why he’s never seen him before.

Finally the man mumbles. “There may have been something about transport. I couldn’t read it that well and that’s when you bumped into me.”

He is decent at evasion though, he’d give him that. He’d used the line of where he was interrupted before but transport would have been in the first order. Simply an omission, potentially one of several. Perhaps he assists the head family and clan elders at the compound. That would make him more valuable if he is well liked.

Normally Tobirama would doubt that with the show he’d put on before but the Uchiha are all crazy, maybe that brand of crazy was considered charming to them.

At least he seems to have some connection to Madara.

He only has one more question before taking them back to the compound. “What is your given name?”

The man looks understandably confused. He probably expected to be tortured for being an Uchiha for information and sadistic glee before being killed. And he wouldn’t have been wrong that long ago, but Anija is an eternal optimist and had passed a variety of new reforms aimed at gradually reducing the level of unnecessary violence they inflicted on their conquered opponents. He probably wanted to win Madara over for that pipe dream he’d had as a child.

He sighed. “ _If_ we decide to sell you back to your clan we’ll need a name to give them.”

Uchiha snorts. “Sage, but would that be worse?”

Tobirama raises an eyebrow. They’d exchanged two prisoners before now, and while both had shown shame at being captured and costing their clan, neither of them had been anything close to reluctant to return.

Uchiha seems to mull it over. “Bastard will probably have figured it out by nightfall anyway. Fine, I’m Obito.”

Tobirama sighs internally. At least he had a name now and “Obito” seems to be much more cooperative than other Uchiha. He doubts that will last with the blindfold on.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit shorter but I wanted to get out what was already written and this was a good ending spot. Madara may know a little more than he should in this but cannon timeline is so messed up anyway I'm ok with pretending Zetsu spilled the beans a few minutes earlier for a better story (besides we don't know what point they jumped back in time from yet. Only that Obito has both his eyes and Madara got clued in). Also the mess that is "what happened to the Senju?" is coming up. I'm going to try and keep it as consistent with cannon as possible while still being realistic but that's just... mess.

The looks he gets entering the compound are about what he expected. Returning with prisoners is still a strange and unusual spectacle. Compounding it Uchiha (still Uchiha, because despite the man’s efforts he will not form any fondness for him) isn’t immediately identifiable as a member of his clan while he’s quiet like this and his eyes and chakra bound. Still, there’s no other clan at the moment that sends them into battle on sight and so there is a degree of confusion amongst the onlookers at the _lack_ of immediate resemblance.

“Tell Anija that I’ve returned from my mission with a guest.” He tells the guard as he heads over to the prison block.

He purposefully selects the cell with the most amount of light. Not out of any misplaced compassion- but because he has learned that while Uchiha may be intentionally trying to be generally agreeable and occasionally annoying, once triggered into whatever phobia he has the mask slips and he either curls up as he did in the woods or turns into a feral, angry, panicked thing straight out of the horror stories Senju children used to be told of Uchiha on the battlefield.

As he’d predicted, the journey back to the compound had been quite annoying.

Somewhere along the way something had distracted Uchiha enough for him to regain his current composure and for that he’s thankful. (Even though he knows it’s part of Uchiha’s game, he’s willing to temporarily concede on this than deal with the mad creature he had to carry most of the way through the forest. He can always use the underlying threat of taking away whatever allowances he gives to his advantage.)

For now he lays the man in a beam of sunlight on the stone floor and proceeds to close and lock the cell door behind him, carefully watching from the other side as Uchiha moves as much of his body as he can into the light.

He reviews what he knows about the man as he waits for his brother.

His name is Obito, he speaks of Madara on a first name basis and purportedly learned some measure of sealing from him. He’s crafty in his words and comfortable enough to portray himself as agreeable and compliant even though there’s clearly more lurking just beneath the surface. His chakra was sealed, not with a short-term ward that is typically used for prisoner transport, but a long-term seal meant to hold over a period of months or years. Tobirama has never heard of him or seen him on a battlefield.

From another clan he’d allow himself to consider the possibility that Uchiha was kept off the battlefield to serve some non-combatant role in the clan compound. But the Uchiha sent their youngest children to the front lines before Madara took over, short of missing a leg there’s no way a man around their age group would have escaped the battlefield.

The other, increasingly likely option, is that he has skills more useful to the clan kept hidden off the battlefield than on. A spy or assassin sent to whisper in the ears of a lord’s court and direct resources towards the Uchiha’s favor.

He shakes his head. He doesn’t have all the pieces to the puzzle yet. Perhaps Uchiha would have had potential in such a role but that didn’t mean the Uchiha clan itself would have seen it with their focus on the battlefield in the last decades. Perhaps one of the elders-

“Tobirama!”

His brother’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts and he looks up to see Hashirama’s beaming face as he comes down the hall to greet him. He allows himself to briefly be pulled into a bear hug as his brother fusses over him like he’s been gone for two years instead of two weeks.

“I’m so glad you’re back. The elders have been horrible and there’s been so much commotion with the summer festival coming up and then when you didn’t show up this morning I got worried and-“

“Anija”

His brother chuckles and lets go of him, taking a step back. “I’m just glad you’re ok.”

Tobirama sighs and tilts his head to the occupant of the cell. “I ran into a delay on the road. Something for you to trade to that maniac you’re so fond of. Consider it an early birthday present.”

“Hmm?” Hashirama peers behind him into the cell. “The guard told me you’d brought in a prisoner but, is he really an Uchiha?”

Uchiha gives a huff of amusement from the floor.

Tobirama sighs again. “Despite his coloring I can assure you that he is indeed as crazy as the rest of his kin.”

“Tobirama!” Hashirama scolds.

He’s not having it. “I found him in the center of a sealing matrix and he thought he could pass himself off as an old farmer.”

“Well, to be fair, he does look old and-“

“ _Anija_ ”

Hashirama grins unrepentantly before finally adopting a more serious expression a moment later. “Where were these seals?”

“Near the edge of the neutral border to the north. I was able to verify that it had lost all of it’s power but one of the Uchiha vanguard teams was approaching so I couldn’t stay to analyze it. Our friend here says there were markers for time, placement, and possibly transportation, but I’m not convinced he’s being entirely forthcoming.”

Hashirama frowns. “It isn’t his seal?”

Tobirama takes a deep breath through his nose. “No. I wish we could send a squad to analyze it, but by this point it’s probably being swarmed by Uchiha.”

“With the direction you were coming from it is closer to their borders, isn’t it? Perhaps whoever left it was targeting the Uchiha rather than of us. Or,” his brows draw together in the beginnings of anger. “Perhaps someone is trying to frame us by planting elaborate seals near the Uchiha borders. The tensions between our clans have finally started to ebb, a provocation like this could spark renewed violence.”

“Tsk” That was a big problem. While Tobirama wasn’t concerned with seeking good relations with the Uchiha like his older brother was, he saw the benefits that came with less frequent battles on their borders and pressure on their resources. The decrease in tensions had allowed their soldiers more down time between missions to recover and grow stronger, they’d been able to grow their stockpile to nearly double what it was the previous year, and the elder’s attempts to press Hashirama to send the youngsters to the battlefield had less and less ground to stand on as the availability of able-bodied adults increased with the lower engagement rate.

But of course there were parties that had benefited from the Senju and Uchiha constantly being at war, and many members of the clans besides who were unwilling to come to peace after all the bloodshed.

“You’re Hashirama?”

They turn their attention to Uchiha inside the cell.

“ _Sama_. I thought you understand your position Uchiha.” Tobirama growls.

Uchiha lightly shrugs his right shoulder. “Hashirama-sama then, I can tell you whose seal it is if you remove the binds around my eyes. My chakra is locked, I won’t be able to activate my sharingan.”

Tobirama’s frown deepens. He’d suspected the man was withholding more information. It was lucky he had such a compromising condition for them to barter with. At Hashirama’s questioning look he nods. “I checked. There’s a long term chakra suppressor across his back. But applying the bindings triggers attacks, it might be forthcoming to use them to encourage good behavior.”

“Asshole. I’ve been on great behavior.”

Tobirama raises a disbelieving eyebrow at the contradiction. “You’re disrespectful and have been withholding information from the moment I laid eyes on you.”

“Never learned otherwise I’m afraid.”

He turns back to Hashirama as if to say ‘See? He doesn’t even deny it.’

Hashirama looks thoughtful though. “Secure him while I remove the binding.”

Tobirama frowns but proceeds to unlock the cell and pin Uchiha so Hashirama can remove the bindings with only a token about of thrashing.

“Careful, don’t hurt yourself.” Hashirama catches Uchiha’s head before it bangs into the floor from a particularly violent flinch and he sees Uchiha blink in confusion as his eyes clear before forcefully relaxing.

“So, who’s seal is it?” Hashirama probs.

“Madara.” He breathes out. “He did some of his freaky shit recently. Not sure how many people know it was him, he kept knocking me out.” He proceeds to mumble a few choice comments under his breath insulting Madara’s attention span and intelligence.

That was honestly more valuable than Tobirama had been hoping for. “Why would you reveal Madara as the caster?”

Uchiha’s gaze lingers on Hashirama as he speaks. “Madara may enjoy fighting in and of itself, but never death. Maybe he left it out there to fuck with people, but it’s just as likely he was in a rush and couldn’t be bothered. He’s like that.”

Hashirama catches his laugh in his mouth and Tobirama looks at him in exasperation.

“Sorry Tobirama, but it’s true, that’s just like Madara. Hahaha!!”

Tobirama prays to the ancestral spirits for patience with his brother. It’s a regular affair, they were probably worried that it had been so long since his last prayer.

At least this confirms that Obito is close to Madara who, now that he bothers to think back on it, he’s never seen use much in the way of suffixes either. It was a detail he’d put off as part of his arrogant personality and that he could get away with as his clan’s heir. Something individual to Madara when even the devil Izuna at least seemed to have manners.

Curious.

“I’ll ask him.” Both his and Uchiha’s eyes flicker to his brother. “It’s important enough that I can’t just pretend that we haven’t learned about it. Besides, I have to write him to discuss your return anyway and you’d tell him once you got back.”

Uchiha very pointedly looks at Hashirama and says “No I wouldn’t.”

Hashirama raises a brow at him. “No?”

Uchiha makes a face like he’s having an inner debate and suddenly it’s like a bell is dropped on Tobirama’s head.

“If you knew they were Madara’s seals why stop on your way to the compound to analyze them?”

Uchiha’s face pinches and Tobirama’s eyes gleam. He’s caught him. Uchiha, for all his evasion has very purposefully never lied, too dangerous in his situation and whatever particular brand of crazy he has, Uchiha has shown himself to be pragmatic in self preservation, _and_ Tobirama suspects him to be unable to conceal the truth on his face.

Tobirama grins. “You weren’t on your way back to the compound, were you. You were leaving. Madara put the seals on your back as well.”

Uchiha swears and at the same moment a messenger knocks on the door leading to the row of cells. “Hashirama-sama? Tobirama-sama? A message from the Uchiha just arrived.”

_“Fuck”_

Tobirama is beginning to feel positively _gleeful_.

\------------------------------

“You think the Senju took him?” Izuna asks from where they’re collecting themselves in the sitting room, hands pressed together over the table and brows furrowed. He’d barely even met this new member of their family, his brother’s _apprentice_ for Amaterasu’s sake, and the Senju demons were already about to rip him away from them.

Madara sighs heavily from the sliding door to the garden where he’s looking out in the direction their scouts had found the end of the trail.

It had led to a sealing matrix that Madara explained was a result of the time travel technique, but the tracks vanished after moving a few meters outside of the matrix with disturbances in the earth indicative of a very powerful shunshin.

The only hope they had was that the fact that the second pair of footprints hadn’t dragged Obito from where he’d left the matrix. Unless the opponent was a Yamnaka or a Nara, unlikely, Obito had walked out on his own and almost certainly been taken with words not violence.

It suggested an opponent visibly recognizable as too powerful for him to escape with taijustu alone, but with at least a slim chance of surviving if they could just find him fast enough.

“I think the odds are high. Has Hashirama started his prisoner exchange policy yet?”

Izuna shoots him a displeased look. “Yes. Kurohi and Kenichi were both recovered in the last few months. Nii-san, just how far in the future did you travel from?”

“Far enough to meet my own reincarnation.”

Izuna blinks. That was not an answer he had been expecting. “What?”

“It’s… annoying. But apparently I have been reincarnating within the clan for centuries, always making the same mistakes, and never remembering anything.”

That, would be annoying, especially for his brother who had so much of his ego tied up around being able to protect their clan with his power. One of his dark secrets that only those close to him knew was that Madara had become aware of his lack of political finesse shortly after becoming clan head and it was something that terrified him. Madara, who had always been praised for his strength in learning and applying ninjustu and war tactics but didn’t know how to cope when suddenly faced with his own lack of ability in an area so central to his position as clan head. He’d dragged Izuna and Hikaku, both known for being more social and crafty, into his office one day and dumped them in front of a scroll detailing news of a marriage alliance between one of their suppliers and the Uzumaki and had sulked in the corner while the two of them came up with a solution.

Not too dissimilar from him dragging in Obito, now that he thought about it.

“If Hashirama has him, I need to know and arrange his return before they learn too much about him.”

He gives Izuna a comforting look. “Obito will be able to distract them for awhile so long as he doesn’t get himself in a spot where he acts too quickly again. Help me draft a letter?”

Izuna tries to smile for him over his anxiety. “Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked for more Madara. He will be around more don't worry. :) I shifted the chapter length to include this scene at the end in the meantime. Any comments are appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter! On time! :0 Thank you to everyone who's been following!

“He’s asking if we have “his brat.”” Hashirama looks up at them from the letter. “You’re too old to be his son aren’t you?”

Obito splutters. “I’m not his son!”

“That’s what I thought…” Hashirama cups his chin with a hand like this is some great mystery.

Tobirama waits patiently. Finally Hashirama sighs, holds the letter out before him and exaggeratedly clears his voice. “Dearest Hashirama, hope this letter finds you in good health. I have missed you greatly and-“

“What does it actually say?” Tobirama interrupts.

Hashirama sulks but continues with the real contents:

“Hashirama,

I’m missing a brat and have reason to believe he encountered one of your men. My scouts have informed me of a telling lack of pools of blood at his last known sight of rule breaking. Did they take him back to your compound? I hope you weren’t fooled by his charming personality – the boy is a terror and I almost wish I could just leave him with you and be done with it. Respond soon or I’ll keep disrupting your boundary and your demon of a brother won’t be getting any sleep.

Yours,  
Madara

P.S. Do be careful, he can bite.”

No shit Tobirama would have lost a finger if he was anyone else.

“He doesn’t even call me his brat.” Obito protests.

Hashirama smugly flips the letter up and down. “Well, not directly, but for Madara that’s basically the same thing. He must care about you.”

“I can assure you he most certainly does not.”

It’s his first lie. Well, partial lie, Tobirama corrects himself; going off Obito’s face and the way he twitches and diverts his eyes.

He looks up at his brother. Hashirama should be able to tell that too but he’s still flipping the letter up and down and is now humming a happy tune.

“Anija…”

Hashirama _beams_ at him. “He signed it Yours Tobirama, I knew he was still in there. Ha! The prisoner returns have been working!!”

Tobirama sighs and hears a corresponding sigh of exasperation coming from Obito.

“Focus Anija. What are you going to do with the prisoner?”

Hashirama tilts his upper body to the side, confused. “What am I going to do with him? I’m going to return him of course.”

“He’s close to Madara. The same Madara who’s been continually turning down your offers of peace- the _Uchiha clan head_. He could have information on their inner workings and the obstacles in the way of your peace talks.“

Obito tenses and Hashirama frowns. “I’m aware. Don’t think I’m not aware of the situation Tobirama. But how can peace be forged with the Uchiha if I’m torturing clan information out of their members? A long term peace is greater than a temporary advantage on the battle field.”

That, is true. He reluctantly concedes the point and hears Obito let out a quiet breath of relief. “At least tell me you’ll be seeking adequate compensation for his return. If he’s that close to Madara as to have a letter sent out only hours after his capture he must be valuable to them.”

Hashirama nods. “I’m not sure what we might ask for though. All of our own members are accounted for and in good health, our provisions are already set for winter, and it seems wasteful to simply ask for money. What do you suggest?”

“Information. What were those seals Madara was using? What’s holding him back from the ceasefire?”

Hashirama hums. “That sounds agreeable. I’ll go write him a response. If he’s as restless as I think he is we’ll hear back within an hour or two. Keep an eye on him for me.”

Tobirama nods and watches as Hashirama leaves the building.

“Too bad so sad shinobi-san, no torture after all~” Obito reverts back to the high pitched squeaky voice he’d been using when he first ran into him.

“Please try to control yourself. I can still put those binding back on.”

“Boooo~ Senju’s don’t count that as torture? And here I’d thought Madara-teme had been lying this whole time. He’ll be so happy to hear you’ve helped dash my hopes and dreams.”

“…Why are you doing this?” Despite his scolding earlier he does acknowledge that Obito had been _behaving_ , more than any Uchiha or even most prisoners they’d ever had. He’d been behaving before he brought him into the compound too, so it couldn’t be some pride things where he only behaved himself for the clan head. Was this some weird Uchiha hierarchy thing?

Obito stares at him very seriously for a moment. Opens his mouth to say something before huffing and turning away.

He pinches the bridge of his nose. The man was acting like a child. As if-

No.

“Is this your idea of revenge?”

The look he receives blatantly says he’s an idiot and would certainly be red if not for the suppression seal.

Wonderful. He’d suggested Obito be tortured for information, and now the man was pissy and planning to get on his nerves in revenge. He files away passive aggressive in his mental profile.

He wonders if this is normal Uchiha behavior. It would explain some things if part of the reason Madara can’t be reasoned with is that he has to manage an entire clan full of passive aggressive bastards.

Obito turns away from him again, turning instead to gaze out the small window upon the leaves Tobirama knows are just visible from inside the cell.

He’d asked Hashirama to grow the tree there last year. It was perfectly positioned to give his brother quick control over eastern side of the buffer zone around the prison – the side any reckless Uchiha were most likely to flee from - and to tempt any rescuers into hiding in it’s branches.

Putting the tree to the side of his mind for now he takes one last glance at Obito to confirm he’s not about to get up to trouble before settling against the wall to wait for his brother to return.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sounds of the Senju compound are… nice. Much easier to listen to than the ones he’d briefly heard in the Uchiha compound of this age. For even though Obito had been an outcast when he lived with the Uchiha ~~probably the reason, actually,~~ he had been forbidden from going near the center of the business district where the majority of the Senju descendants resided. There were no unpleasant memories in these sounds to compare them to.

This was not the situation he’d wanted to get into when he ran away from the Uchiha compound. Granted, step three of his simple three part plan had gone faster and better than he’d imagined, but “give stupid shitty grandpa a panic attack” had been step three for a _reason_. Now he has even more attention on him and is going to be sent back to Madara where he’s sure he’ll be put under an even tighter lock down while Madara taunts him until he snaps again. Rinse, repeat.

As upset as he is with the Nidaime at the moment, he’d been fun to tease and had treated him with much more consideration than Obito had thought possible for a prisoner of war from an enemy clan. Frankly, even with the looming threat of being sent into a panic attack, Obito finds himself wavering on his previous assessment of Senju Tobirama as a dead end in his quest to get away from Madara.

Tobirama wouldn’t cave to any of Madara’s demands no matter how much the man flails and threatens and Obito could maneuver himself to take refuge behind that except…

Except Senju Hashirama was Madara’s best friend and wanted peace, and Tobirama would support him. Obito wants peace too, he wouldn’t have bothered correcting their worries about Madara’s seal otherwise, but he doesn’t want to be sent back to him.

Madara has always been quick to catch on to Obito. He had expected the bastard to find out where he’d disappeared to quickly but he thought he’d have a few more hours of lead time. He has to stay on his toes and keep moving to stay ahead in this game.

He’ll have to make his escape before Madara gets his hands on him again. If he doesn’t want to compromise the potential peace between the Senju and Uchiha he can’t leave while the Senju are holding on to him either.

That means he’ll have to make his escape during the exchange. Madara will be expecting it and will probably be there to try and prevent just such an attempt from occurring. Will undoubtedly bring back up.

Obito has always been a tenacious bastard though.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Izuna jumps up from his slump on the patio as he sees Madara’s messenger hawk returning. He frets anxiously besides his brother as Madara allows the hawk to settle on his arm and unties the message. Finally he opens it and reads through the letter before he releases a long exhale. “They have him. He’s safe for now but they demand information for his return.”

Izuna scowls. “What do they want?”

Madara rolls his eyes and responds. “To know why I won’t agree to a ceasefire, of all things.” He huffs in irritation. “That’s just like Hashirama. I suppose they don’t have anything else to worry about this year.”

Izuna narrows his eyes. He knows his brother has been on edge and harder to read since his sudden time travel but he thinks he’s beginning to notice the tells connected to his old behavior. The look on his face right now looks an awful lot like how Madara used to get annoyed at other people interrupting his plans with their own. Only this frustration is more controlled, more considering.

He doesn’t say any of this though. Not yet. Soon, when he has a better grasp on his brother’s tells, he’ll confront him on his new plans. For now he only asks “And what will you tell them?”

Madara raises an eyebrow at him. “What else? If all Hashirama wants for the brat is answers I’m not opposed to pointing out his idiocy.” His expression says annoyance but Izuna watches him fold the message back up and place it securely in his pocket instead of burning it.

“You’ll be bringing me along with you for the exchange, won’t you?”

Madara smiles as if nothing else ever crossed his mind. “Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everybody plots and we start slowly establishing character relationships and our plot lines.
> 
> Mangekyo Squad may or may not get updated this weekend depending on how fast I can accurately write Itachi and how much I can get done. I may end up uploading a completed chapter of another unposted story instead.


	4. Obito Steals All the Shows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madara is a well meaning Asshole, the plotting INTENSIFIES, Obito gets his revenge on Tobirama (or as much as the author knows how to write), Hashirama gets tired of cleaning up after everyone hurting each other, Izuna is smug and petty, Obito is the Star of Madara's eye, Ruby of his Heart, his- "WJAT ARE YOU *DOING!?* YOU'RE GIVING ME A HEART ATTACK"  
> ">:D"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The author needs sleep. And encouragement. I'm trying to write out resumes and it's hard. 
> 
> Trying to give you all a longer, "arc conclusion" exciting chapter to help everyone get through the times and as a bit of an apology for taking so long. I've never tried to write some of the stuff in this chapter before, how does one write battle scenes, please let me know your feed back. : )

It’s about an hour and a half into his guard when he detects a… trickle, of highly concentrated chakra slowly seeping into the air. Tobirama is instantly in the cell standing over Obito looking for the source of the signature. There’s no one else here. He narrows his eyes and concentrates on the signature. It’s faint, wouldn’t be detectible if not for the oddness of it. A scan around the room with his chakra sense reveals he’s right on top of it.

It’s Obito’s.

Obito has his eyes tightly shut and is biting his low lip in pain but otherwise showing no reaction. He cautiously kneels over Obito and touches his forehead to get a better read. He reflexively swallows. That. Is not normal chakra. There’s a small bit that reminds him a bit of his brother’s mokuton, but it is overshadowed by a disturbing presence. At least, that’s how it feels initially, but as he continues sensing it the feeling shifts from deadly and disturbing to peaceful calm and… fireflies? He searches further, looking for that spark and warmth he’d felt when he first encountered Obito putting on an act in the seal.

He’s not concerned, he tells himself. The chakra may be disturbing but he can still slip on another suppressor seal if it comes to it. Unfortunately it will likely cause complications between the clans if Madara’s shoddy seal malfunctions as a result and negatively impacts Obito, so he’ll leave it as a last resort.

What this does confirm is Obito is not a normal Uchiha, and not just in the political sense. They almost certainly can’t simply return someone like this with the potential to be used against them. Which will be a problem, but one he can deal with after stabilizing Obito’s chakra. He hates being right sometimes.

A little further still is a shallow pool that gives him impressions of deep space and dark lakes. He has to search much deeper before he finally finds what he’s looking for: a small pool of swimming warmth with baby sparks. It’s Uchiha chakra, Obito’s unique signature that he was able to pick up whenever he bothered to sense past the seal on his back, but now that he’s truly examining it he sees the level is critically low. So low, that he’s only ever sensed anything like this from shinobi on the edge of death by chakra exhaustion on the battlefield. If the small warmth had been the only chakra in Obito there’s no doubt he’d be comatose right now.

A thought, and Tobirama hefts up Obito’s shirt to view the seal. The odd section he’d noticed on the right shoulder earlier is faintly glowing, chakra leaking out of a seal not properly designed for… whatever it is he’s discovered.

Does that mean Madara is unaware, or simply incompetent with seals? What are these different types of chakra? Why are Obito’s normal chakra levels so low? He has so many questions and more keep forming.

“Heh heh. It’s fine, don’t worry. Just.” Obito tries to take a deep breath but it catches part way through. “Hurts.” He finishes.

He glances up to see Obito squinting his eyes open to look at him.

There’s tears and pain in that gaze. Tobirama despite himself feels the slightest bit of conflicting feelings about the possibility of giving Obito back to Madara.

Behaves, his mind whispers. Pragmatic, agreeable, smart, useful, knowledgeable on Madara. _Powerful,_ if that chakra is anything to go by. Particularly if this is Obito on chakra exhaustion. Would be foolish to return to the Uchiha. He forces himself to banish the thought from at least the front of his mind.

Hashirama wants peace with the Uchiha, Tobirama himself sees the wisdom and practicality of such a decision. This situation has become complicated, but given Hashirama’s determination the end result will likely be the same for Obito.

He can’t convert Obito _and_ have Hashirama’s village.

Wait…. There’s an idea.

He’s lost in his head for what he thinks is a few moments but when he refocuses his gaze he catches the end of Obito’s smug cat ate the cream smirk before it quickly vanishes as if never there.

Tobirama’s eyebrow twitches. He was right in his first assessment: full of bullshit with a dangerous and evasive mind. But now that he’s got a read on his chakra Tobirama is able to confirm that he is not lying about his desire to run away from the Uchiha or the implied lengths he’s willing to go. It’s a relief, he wasn’t looking forward to telling Anija they had to call of the exchange because of suspicious chakra. He can work with this.

He summons all of his authority and states “First rule: no fucking mind games with me. Understood?”

Obito blinks at him and suddenly it’s like he’s looking into the face of a completely different person. Nothing’s changed, and yet everything about the man seems to have changed at the same time. As if the Obito on the front slid off his face like water and now he’s seeing the creature he knew was somewhere in there since he first heard the snarls binding his eyes in the forest.

“I’m too conditioned to be able to honestly promise that Senju-sama, but I’ll make my best attempt.”

Conditioned to the point that he couldn’t follow orders? What were the Uchiha playing at?

He feels sorry for him for a full second before Obito continues speaking.

“I reserve the right for any and all petty revenge though.”

Right. Negotiations. Because nothing with Uchihas could ever be easy.

\-------------------------------------------------

Hashirama is deep in thought as he makes his way back to the cellblock from sending his reply off to Madara.

He’s not sure what’s going on between Obito and Madara or their relationship. Given that Obito appears to be in his early 30s and Madara is 22 now and calling him “brat,” Hashirama suspects it won’t be as simple to divine as Madara’s relationships with his other various clan members have been. If only they were already all living together, there would be plenty of clues for him to pick up on without Madara getting all huffy and defensive.

Still, this is a great opportunity that’s been given to him to meet Madara outside of battle and with minimal interference from their clan members. The last two times they did this they each had two people accompanying them. Given the nature of what they plan to discuss in this trade, Hashirama suspects they may be able to negotiate for just himself, Madara, and their brothers.

Tobirama and Obito are in the cell together muttering when Hashirama comes back in. Tobirama is giving off “I did nothing wrong!” vibes, which, problem. But Hashirama trusts his brother enough to know it can’t be anything too serious. Obito for his part seems to have calmed down quite a bit though Hashirama can still feel the anxiety shifting across him.

He feels bad. Obito is somehow important to Madara. Hashirama knows how to read Madara, even all these years later, and the vibes he’s picking up from Madara’s train of thought and underling tone relating to Obito reminds him of the same protective nature Madara used to use when speaking of protecting his brother. It’s enough for him to have heard an amusing “MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE STAY AWAY” in his head in Madara’s childhood voice as he read the letter.

However, Obito clearly does not feel the same protective and caring response to Madara. Hashirama wonders what happened there. He can’t help but be concerned even though he knows Madara won’t appreciate it.

He refocuses as Obito blinks at him in his innocent “I’m defenseless, give me sympathy and protection” expression that Hashirama is completely immune to; having his own version that he routinely uses.

It would be a lie to say he wasn’t interested in learning more about Obito though, and playing along for a while may give him some insight into his relationship problems with Madara.

He smiles gently at Obito and squats down closer to his level to try and make him more at ease. “I must admit I am concerned. What happened that made you feel you had to run away?”

There’s a glint in Obito’s eye that’s almost invisible as he looks beseechingly toward him. “I shouldn’t tell you the details… But Madara’s a bully! He left me alone on a mission for years, Senju-sama! Then he was all demanding when he came back.” He raises his voice into a mocking pitch that wasn’t quite the higher range Madara sometimes slipped into when he was upset but got the impression across. “Obito you’re so slow. No Obito, stop, I want to go slower. Pathetic, what were you even doing all this time. Look at me, I’m so cool and flashy and suddenly don’t give a shit about stealth cause I don’t feel like it.” He scowls and drops his voice back to normal.

“I know he’s clan head now but… but…” He sniffles. “He’s a horrible bully! And so is your brother! Why is everyone so mean?! WHHAAAA!!!” He explodes into a sobs.

Hashirama patiently pats his shoulder through it, though he can tell the tears are fake. He does give Tobirama an exasperated look. If he hadn’t threatened Obito earlier he’d have enough leeway to keep pressing Obito now without acting like he didn’t care about the man’s pain. Now Obito has successfully put off his questioning, and with Madara’s persistence he knows he won’t have many opportunities like this.

He soothes his frustration with the fact that Tobirama truly looks uncomfortable with Obito’s emotional outburst and is subtly shirking in on himself under his disapproving stare. He looks away. He may be upset but he never enjoys bringing discomfort to his younger brother. He’s lucky Tobirama is loyal and dedicated to him on his own. He knows he’s not like their father, he’d be horrible at enforcing anything.

He continues to ignore the thought in the back of his mind that maybe he could. He never wants to become a person like that, and it’s that choice that’s important.

He waits for Obito to pretend to calm down and before scheduling a change in guard so the he can return home with his brother to address logistics.

“We should hear back from Madara shortly. Given the nature of the tradeoff, I was thinking just the heads and heirs.”

Tobirama nods. “The section of the Naka where we exchanged the first one hasn’t had any recent activity. You could invite them to show up first to ensure we haven’t trapped the area.”

“I think I’ll do that.” A pause. “I’m not mad at you. Yes, I wish he didn’t have the opportunity to wait me out, but it’s all extra after we get the information from Madara. I always want your honest opinions Tobira, even if I don’t agree with them.”

Tobirama gives him a fond smile. “I know Anija.”

\--------

They do not, in fact, get another opportunity to question Obito because Madara’s next response arrives within an hour, and true to his threat he begins darting around on the edge of their territory and flaring his chakra until he gets a response setting up a meeting in the early morning the next day.

Good to see his friend hasn’t changed, he supposes. Would it kill him to let him sleep though?

\-------

They’ve been waiting at the river for near an hour, Izuna’s eyes moving between cautiously scanning their surroundings and boring into his back. He knows Izuna is suspicious of his changes and has been kind enough not to say anything and disrupt his power games with the current elders, but Izuna is still his brother, this patience will only last so long.

He just needs the fucking brat back so he can properly manage damage control should the Senju find out Obito’s “gifts” and _when_ Zetsu and the Uchiha do.

Really, this whole dramatic escape plan of his is entirely unnecessary and inconvenient. They’re starting over from scratch, Obito would have much more of an impact establishing a prevailing structure of peace from a position of power next to himself within the Uchiha clan. What does he think he’s doing? Further, what does he expect to do if Zetsu tracks him down with his chakra sealed? This is all entirely unhelpful in reaching their goals and only invites trouble for the both of them.

Impatient Brat.

He’s going to have to hide the boy and chain him once he gets back. He made sure to seal off Obito’s chakra as soon as he was able, but he can’t assume the sudden appearance of mokuton natured chakra next to his own went unnoticed by the evil plant. By brining him back with him and revealing this part of their relationship, Madara can safely assume he’s drawn Zetsu’s attention to the both of them. But he wasn’t leaving him behind.

He narrows his eyes in displeasure at the reminder of the situation they came from. He needs to keep Obito close at hand, both to advance his own plans as well as to keep him safe from Zetsu. He won’t allow the fucking traitor to get his hands on the boy. They’re lucky it was the Senju Obito ran into.

The irony is disgusting.

Regardless, he has to have Obito back under his control before he can risk telling Izuna anything about his plans. In hindsight, he suspects the plant may have been targeting his brother. Until he can strengthen the compound he has to treat Izuna as a potential information leak.

Finally there is a rustling from the tree cover on the Senju side of the river and the two of them watch as Hashirama comes into view.

It’s jarring seeing his old friend looking so young, so unaware of what Madara has done. But he can’t think on this now. He’ll have plenty of time to silently mope on Hashirama once he’s recovered Obito and fortified the Uchiha compound against Zetsu and The Winter.

Iznua tenses next to him but he motions him to hold steady as he activates his sharingan and scans the woods behind Hashirama for chakra signatures.

They arrive a second later: Obito in front with his arms restrained behind him and Tobirama following close behind. Madara’s finger twitches on his crossed arms. He _knows_ Obito isn’t truly restrained by simple shinobi wire with his legs free. The fact that the Senju even _think_ they can keep him prisoner like this is evidence that Obito’s been playing games with them.

Obito meets his eyes, completely unrepentant, and sends him a challenging smirk unseen by the Senju. The absolute Brat. He won’t feed him for a few days since he doesn’t need to eat anyway. See if that does anything to his attitude. He doesn’t know where he picked it up from. Maybe the Hatake he was so obsessed with? Or perhaps they need to have a _discussion_ about how Zetsu raised him in Madara’s absence. Hmmm… He never thought about it until now.

Hashirama breaks him out of his thoughts. “We’re ready to hear your objections to the ceasefire Madara.”

He blinks once and shrugs. “Very well. Though I wonder if Obito has already gone on ahead and told you, since it seems you’ve all gotten to know each other so well. Unless he’s suddenly selected that knowledge to be the new subject for his selective denial.”

Obito huffs. “It would be nice to deny your existence.”

Madara ignores him to make eye contact with Hashirama. “I doubt your tree brain could fully comprehend the full scope of the problem so I’ll simplify it for you. First, as I’ve told you many times, the Uchiha clan does not desire peace with the Senju.” For Hashirama, he allows the regret he feels to color his voice. “You may be an old friend Hashirama, but I cannot betray my family for you.”

He can feel vindictively pleased vibes radiating off Izuna and almost rolls his eyes. He gives in and does it anyway at Hashirama’s mopey face. “Additionally, even if the Uchiha were willing, your dream, as it is now, would not be to the long term benefit of either of our clans.”

Izuna shifts towards him in confusion as Hashirama and Tobirama narrow their eyes. So Tobirama knew this early did he?

“A greater concentration of power will not change the systems at play, Hashirama, nor would it bring the peace you envision.” He frowns in remembering how they’d discovered some clans under the village system had quickly started dying off entirely as the strengths that had once kept them alive became obsolete. Or how distinctive markings, which once caused neutral clans to hesitate before attacking shinobi for fear of retaliation, had led to many clans being singled out by the large numbers and diverse skill sets that could be mobilized by the villages.

How they were killed off one by one until either the clan died out, only a handful of their most powerful or resourceful remained, or in the best case scenario, the village was forced to convert the entire clan to special designations with lower exposure risk as their default then have members qualify for exemption on an individual basis. Hikaku had managed to secure the latter status for the Uchiha before they met the fate of many other clans in the first shinobi war, but even that had led to anger and resentment by those who did not understand why clans like the Uchiha and Hyuga, capable of producing such powerful close range fighters, were often delegated to more “safe” missions in times of war.

Of course, that resentment had also been part of what allowed Obito and the little Hatake to get placed on such a high risk search and destroy mission before he had activated his sharingan, and given Madara the chance to-

“Oooooiiii~~ earth to asshole! You’re spacing out again. Showing your age in public?”

Right. A complete and total failure of a policy.

“So even if I was able to accept your offer, it would be to little gain on both our parts until you’re able to address these issues. You should think more about the consequences of your proposals.”

“You’re also cursed.”

No- Just- He can’t even- Did Zetsu hear- “That’s right. I have a severely incompetent subordinate I’m cursed with. Perhaps you’ve heard of him. Oh wait it’s _you_.” He wants to _pulverize_ the _Brat_.

Obito smiles at him cheekily.

Hashirama is clearly unhappy with his response but he closes his eyes and lets out a deep sigh after a long pause. “Thank you Madara, for being honest with me.”

Madara blinks in surprise, a bit thrown off. “It changes nothing Senju. Your dream is still childish and stupid and will never happen, so there’s no reason not to tell you-“

“Hahaha. You were right Obito, Madara is a bit of a bully, isn’t he?”

“….” Obito says nothing and is not so subtly pressing as far away from Hashirama as his bindings will allow.

Madara understands, Hashirama has started leaking that unsettling aura he gets when he’s actually starting to get a bit pissed off. Perhaps he went to far.

He can’t help himself though; it’s been too long. “…You asked.”

That makes Hashirama chuckle and the aura recedes. “That I did. Tobirama, release Obito. It’s time to uphold our end of the deal.”

It hits him as Tobirama releases his hold on Obito’s bonds that they’re planning to let him walk over to the Uchiha side of the river. He should have seen this coming, it was more than likely how they got the last two back, but this is _Obito_. He activates his sharingan and tenses in preparation to chase after him. But Obito simply rolls a shoulder and starts slowly walking to the river.

Madara’s nerves are buzzing. Any second the brat will make his move to run off, but he keeps slowly, calmly, walking towards the river with a serene little smile on his face.

At the water then, that must be when the brat plans to make a break for it. But Obito steps into the river and keeps walking towards him, pace unfaltering. It’s just as Madara is thrown by this lack of a brake for it that _The Infuriating Pest_ makes a break for it. In the _middle of a churning river without chakra_. Madara snarls and races after him on the surface of the river as Obito runs upstream.

However they’ve only made it a few paces when Obito suddenly turns and charges him. Madara narrows his eyes but doesn’t slow. They make eye contact and Obito pointedly moves his gaze to where Tobirama is standing on the bank only a couple meters behind him.

A maniacal grin spreads across his face. It’s times like this that Obito truly delights him.

He allows the kick to make contact when it comes, only grabbing tight hold on his ankle to keep him from running off again as they go flying right into a bewildered Tobirama.

“Nii-san!” Izuna shouts from across the river, ready to engage.

Madara raises his free hand to hold him off and Obito takes the moment of distraction and shift in his guard to kick him upside the head twice before lurching his body weight sharply to the right, causing him to collide with Tobirama yet again where he’d been sitting up. The ensuing flailing on both their parts gives Obito the opportunity to successfully break the grip on his ankle, and this time he takes off downstream.

“Sorry Shitty Bastard, Shinobi-san, the mysteries of dango are calling me!”

“You don’t even eat dango!” He yells back

“Well I will now!”

The brat has an even longer head start as Madara has to disentangle himself from Tobirama and dart around Hashirama before going after him.

He’s so proud. Infuriating Brat he may be but he’s _Madara’s_ Infuriating Brat. If only he wouldn’t keep attempting to run off like this.

The analytical part of Madara’s mind notes that the chakra seal appears to be doing next to absolutely nothing in slowing Obito down. Yes, a chat is definitely in order.

No, Obito is slowing down. Madara creases his eyebrows but takes the opportunity to sprint for him. That’s when Obito pushes off from the river and tries to flip over him.

Ha. Nice try. What’s his plan this time? He catches his ankle and pulls him down to the river. Suddenly he’s choking and the sword on his back he’d brought to maintain his cover is wiggling. Ah. 

He tightens his grip on Obito’s ankle and snatches one of his arms around his sword while forcing himself to stand up. As he thought, Obito had used his position to cut the wire around his hands while pushing his head underwater. Clever, but it will only prolong their fight. He looks down at him, held up by the death grip Madara has on his left leg and right arm, and lets the full force of his displeasure come though in his gaze. Obito’s grin is all teeth.

Then he bites him.

Unfortunately for Obito, this was much more effective as a surprise technique during the second fight they’d had since returning to the past when he first tried it. Now Madara knows to anticipate it. What he’s not expecting is the flash of metal heading straight for his eyes. He moves on instinct, his younger body still trained to drop everything to protect his eyes. He curses but Obito is already off. Worse, soon he can hear the sounds of rapids and the roar of a waterfall.

The boy plans to jump and lose him in the rapids, knowing Madara isn’t willing to chase him so far as to put that much distance between himself and Izuna with Tobirama still so near. He curses and adds a burst of chakra to catch up. It wont be enough. Obito clearly planned this, must have known where they were planning to have the hand off. He’s already a meter away from the edge. Madara races to close the gap, but it’s too late.

Obito makes the jump and Madara feels a flash of panic, then Obito is no longer falling but staring at the branch suddenly wrapped around him in shock and betrayal.

Madara slows down until he’s standing at the edge of the falls watching Obito struggle fruitlessly in the branch’s hold. The other three catch up a few seconds later. Obito whips his head around to the one restraining him, face screaming _why?_

Madara has an idea why, unhappy as he is with it. He sighs. “Thank you Hashirama.”

Hashirama frowns, stern and concerned from the riverbank. “You need to take better care of those important to you, Madara.”

Madara can’t stop himself from bristling. Thinking of Izuna, thinking of Obito.

Hashirama shakes his head. “Not just like that. Their feelings Madara.”

Madara blinks. Is this seriously happening? Now? He notes Tobirama blinking in surprise in his peripheral and it does not make him feel the least bit better to be sharing his shock with the bastard.

“I know you’re trying to protect him, but you’ve hurt him old friend. If you don’t seriously change your relationship he’s just going to keep running away from you. The world isn’t a kind place for runaways.”

“Tsk.” He bites the corner of his lower lip. No matter how much he doesn’t want to hear Hashirama scolding him right now he can’t deny the truth staring him right in the face.

Hashirama nods, seeming to take Madara’s lack of resistance as agreement. “Since I seem to have one more prisoner to return to you, I have a new proposal.”

Fucking nerve. But he can tell from the look on Hashirama’s face that he thinks he’s got a wonderful plan for Madara. Madara sighs, dropping the tension from his body. Much as he sometimes wishes he could, he can’t truly stay upset with Hashirama.

“What is it then?”

Hashirama smiles at him, recognizing he’s speaking to Madara his friend, not Madara the clan leader. “Promise to try seeing your decisions from his point of view, to practice being kinder, and I’ll return him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you all. Thank you for reading. Thank you for all your repeat reads. I've been watching those numbers those aren't all new people. ;) Wish I could update more often for you all. For those of you curious Mangekyou Squad is about half way through a minimum chapter length but I'm somehow in charge of A Lot of real life "fix it" responsibilities, I've only gotten to write this cause I learned I need some mental self care or I'm gonna crash. I may upload the first two chapters of the original non-funzies Madara Obito time travel fix it I was working on before this to have more content for people to read. Will depend I guess :/
> 
> I hope everyone is ok. We will get through this, no matter what happens. No matter what you're experiencing, how big or how little it may seem relative to everyone else, it's ok for you to not feel ok, and it's ok to be doing alright too. 
> 
> Remember- hell has a backdoor, sometimes that's the one you're looking for and you have to cross to reach it.

**Author's Note:**

> What have we here sitting on my computer? Why, a handful of partially completed time travel and drama fics! I can't make any promises on any of these fics (though I do hope I'm able to upload the rest of the ones with at least one chapter) but I hope you enjoy them! This is the most light hearted of the bunch.


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